Again I got the chance to learn a lesson from my boy who is almost 1 now. Yesterday, during a coffee break while traveling I decided to take my son for a little walk. Soon we would turn back to the car and we still had a two hour drive in front of us. It was time to exercise.
Approx two months ago Samuel started to pay interest in standing straight. Being able to stand straight and to see the world from a new perspective created an interest in the little boy: walking. Since then, walking is one of his key interests. He is very happy when someone offers him hands to walk. When we not feel like giving him hands we sometimes offer him his ‘first rollator’, a baby push-toy. I love watching him using the baby push- toy. When he his using it, his face shows me a big smile, him being so proud that he is able to walk.
Samuel has been practicing walking for more then 2 months now. When doing the exercise walk yesterday, I notices that he was walking very stable. Although the fact that he was walking very stable, he still wanted both of my hands to hold on. Since I was convinced that he does not need both of my hands anymore, I changed one of my hands for a piece of scarf that was around my neck. The scarf only gave him very little support that could be neglected and as I already thought he was still able to walk properly.
Samuel knew that he is able to walk with help of two hands. He did not experience yet that he is now also able to walk with only one hand. So he wanted to be sure and asked for two hands. This observation made me realize that it happens to me that I do not do certain things because I play the safe game. In the end I am more capable then I think. A reason to think less and to do more. Even doing things that I did not experience yet that I can do it!
Think of something you always thought you was not able to do it and then just DO IT.
Comparing yourself to others is a habit I see on a regular basis. What does it bring? Often it brings lots of suffering. We human beings are individuals. I never found persons who are exactly the same. Even identical twins are not the same. Sometimes we want to reach similar goals, but we forget that the ingredients are different and so will be the result.
Sisterhood of motherhood
In my family I am the youngest of four, two older sisters and one older brother. The three girls have been pregnant at the same time last year. Before I got pregnant I thought that was the perfect dream: three sisters being pregnant at the same time. That must be fun! Reality turned out to be different.
Three babies in a row
From the moment the babies are born differences in the approach how to raise children became clear. I choose breastmilk, they choose formula. I choose not to immunize, they choose immunizations. I choose most of the time finger foods, they choose baby puree. As you can see, only by being able to list the differences is the proof that I compared myself to my sisters. The result was that the relationship got close to 0. What happened to the lovely relationship we used to have?
Need to talk
The other day my oldest sister came over to ‘talk’. That moment I realized that I was judging the way she was raising her kids and that I created the feeling that I was judged by her on how I raise my boy. My thoughts did not give me the nice family relationship that I wanted. To re-establih a good sister-sister relationship I realized I needed to change. I needed to stop comparing myself.
I stopped comparing myself. Being without comparison means there is no need for judgement anymore. And being freed of judgment creates space to focus on the nice things of being in a sister- sister relationship we both enjoy.
Being freed of comparison to others; another leason given to me thanks to my little teacher.
- check whether or not you compare yourself to others;
- if you do so, then just stop it!
If you want more practical tips on how to stop comparing yourself to others check this out.
Becoming a parent effects your expenses and maybe also your income. The Dutch independent organization for family finances Nibud says that the first child cost in average 17% of your disposable income (=all your income added up), the second 26%, the third, 33% and the forth 40%. Becoming a parent or extending your family may therefore be an reason to have a close look at your personal financial situation.
Months before becoming a mum I noticed that my expenses outgrew my income. Luckily this situation was only temporary due to pre- born expenses like stuff for badding, sleeping and going for a walk stuff, and, and, and..
This was the moment for me to have a look into the future what would happen with my income and expenses after my son was born. Since may income was going to be the same befor and after, I only focused at my expenses. There I saw that becoming a mum meant I needed to change some of my expenditure habits. Approximately 20% of my income would go to expenditures related to my son. So I needed to change.
Living a healthy lifestyle is important for me. So I decided to set priorities on doing sport, eating biological food and taking rests. Knowing what my priorities are meant that cutting out expenses on things what I did not list as a priority was quitte easy by then. For example I decreased the times I get out for diner and I stop buying magazines I did not enjoyed.
What also eased my mind was that I used the rule: “pay yourself first” already for more than ten years. This rule means that when your income enters your bankaccount, the first thing to do is to pay yourself. I opened several bank accounts: permanent education, fun things, clothing, health care and savings. I pay myself the amount of money or percentage of my income that feels good to me. For example I pay myself monthly €100,- for permanent education of myself and I have been paying myself 10% of my income for savings. After paying myself I pay the rent and other things I have to pay. I labeled everything that is left as free spending money.
This method works well for me. I know when something happens that affects my financial situatie that I’ll be alright. I will be able to adapt to the new situation. Nothing to be fearful off. The rule ‘pay yourself first’ gives me peace.
Are you using some sort of rule to organize your finances? If not, this is my ACTION TIP: pay yourself first. Good luck!
We all know being a parent puts you into the position to receive, with or without asking, lots of tips on how you have to do something. But what to do if the tips you receive are contradicting each other?
Start self- experimenting!
I wanted to be a perfect mum and I did not want to make any mistakes. I played the save game. I was for example breastfeeding whenever my baby made a noise. This ended up in me sleeping only a few hours a night and on top of that, many broken nights. I was completely exhausted. I never felt so tired before. I was a total wreck at work and on the road. This needed to change quickly.
I started talking to mums what they did, read lots of books on different methods and of course also talked about it with my partner. Then I started self- experimenting the suggestions that suited me the most. The result was that I was sleeping more hours during the night and my nights were less broken. And as a bonus: the effect of a happy mum was a happy baby!
You want to start self-experimenting too?
1. Find a situation your are not happy with;
2. Find out how other people are handling a similar situation;
3. Decide which method suits you wel and start self-experimenting.
Bad luck? Continue self- experimenting until it works well for you.